And yeah, no one likes you Tito.

(For Immediate Release)

EL CHORRO REGIONAL PARK, CA – Just two weeks after toppling Mind Body Elite-ier, the Low Down Dirty Cheaters didn’t bring their A game against the more talented and grammatically sound Mind Body Elite.

Despite great enthusiasm, the LDDC bats were silent through the first few innings, and the MBE bats were anything but. LEVEL did manage to push some runs across in the late innings thanks to the bats of “Angry Rob”, Ted “Blue Dog”, & Kathleen “2 Young 2 Settle“, but it proved to be too little too late.

After the game, the LDDC announced they had finalized a trade sending Kathleen, their star slugger and face of the franchise, to the San Francisco Giants. In exchange, the LDDC will receive Barry Zito and cash considerations. Zito is expected to make an easy transition to softball, given that his fastball already qualifies as “slow-pitch”.

Kathleen said of the trade, “As excited as I am to be joining the defending champions, I know I will never be able to replace the raw talent and gusto of the Low Down Dirty Cheaters.”

Here’s wishing Kathleen the best in the friendly confines of AT&T Park.

Swingin' for the Fence

(For Immediate Release)

Arroyo Grande, CA -  There was no full moon tonight, but the wolf pack was hungry for a win against the Pine Riders.   Steven came out blazing,  making 6 straight points to quickly put Level in the lead.  Kasey, Miguel, and Tom continued to add points to keep the Pine Riders at bay.   Aaron “AirWolf”  crashed the boards to keep Pine Riders from getting any second shot opportunities.  Ryan and Hank both put in solid minutes on offense and defensive to continue the Level lead.

With 10 minutes left of the first half, Level put in their secret defensive weapon Troy “Wolfman” to shut down the Pine Riders offensive weapons. The second half continued like the first half and the Pine Riders was never able to make a comeback.   The game was put out of reach when Phil “Get my money right”  completed a fast break lay-up sending the sell-out crowd to their feet.

Level 61  Pine Riders 52

Level’s record goes to 4-1.

Getty images of Troy “Wolfman”

(For Immediate Release)

Arroyo Grande, CA – It’s like a recurring bad nightmare – complete with the cold sweat. After an undefeated three game start, LEVEL took a step back in time, channeling the LEVEL basketball teams of old. “All that practice don’t mean a thing if I can’t put the ball through the ring,” commented Hank “Dr. Suess” Wethington on his 2 for 8 shooting night. “It was cloudy, but didn’t rain, we were supposed to bring the pain.”

Missing key starters Justin (springbreakitis), Tom (travel toe), and backup center Ryan (worklonghourus) tonight, meant key minutes for the reserves. But the reserves didn’t deliver. “Sure, we missed our starters out there tonight,” said a frustrated Kasey, “we just missed the basket more.”

Bright spots for LEVEL included some good minutes from “Wolfpack” Troy, who once again scared the opposing team into key turnovers, and “I’m on vacation” Phil whose continued leadership kept the game close.

The screaming fans didn’t give up hope, even until the last second. “It was more fun than watching reruns of COPS!” said Michelle. “Not quite as good as Jersey Shore, but it was still a good time.”

Tickets are still available for next weeks game against the Pine Riders.

(AP)